the graduated working girl.

"Have you ever worked really hard for something you really wanted and then didn't get it? Me too."


That was the beginning of an entry I was hesitant to post last week. I was hesitant for a broad spectrum of reasons. It was going to be cryptic and I wasn't going to actually address the real situation, and it probably would've sounded like I was dying or grieving or something of the sort. Which was not my aim. But recent events allow me to be straight forward.

I didn't get a job I really wanted. I went through two grueling interviews (they drilled me hard) and an observation in which my students didn't perform their best, and I didn't perform my best because I was frustrated with them. I had nailed the interview process but bombed the observation. The job wasn't mine, and I knew it. I received a phone call two days later informing me that they couldn't "think of any reason not to hire you, but we had to select someone else. But before you get off the phone, there is a real chance another position might open soon and we'd really like you to apply; please please apply."

I wasn't heartbroken. I had already emotionally prepared to be turned down. But I was still disappointed because after my beautiful Franklin Elementary (which doesn't have enough students enrolled to let me stay), this was my next favorite option.

I continued to apply to schools I really had no desire to teach at, and even for some part-time positions. More interviews. More observations. More jobs I didn't want. I even turned a couple down that just didn't feel right.

Somehow I've lived an extremely blessed life. If I work hard, I almost always get what I'm working for. How snobby does that sound? I'm sort of a control freak and handing my life over can be really hard for me, but that week and a half made it easy to think, "Well, the Lord has my path ready for me and I won't worry about it. Because whatever comes comes for a reason." There was no way to have any control, so it was almost a relief to just let Him handle it. And He did.

He let me stress and worry until I learned to trust His plan and relax. He let me learn that you can't always get what you want, and you have to keep working hard anyway. And when I'd been refined, He blessed me.




It's a good thing I didn't publish that post last week. Monday night the principal of the job I really wanted and got turned down called me three times. I finally was able to answer, and he said, "A third grade position has opened up and I want you to have it."

You're reading the words of the brand new 3rd grade teacher for Westridge Elementary in Provo School District! And now I can breathe easier.

five minutes.

If you are studying to become a teacher, I strongly suggest any book by Ron Clark.  He is a fantastic teacher with so much experience to share, and he has changed my outlook and given me so many ideas for this profession (I know, people say this kind of stuff all the time, but I'm serious!).

Anyway, he writes about his sixth grade teacher who had them write in their journals everyday, even if it was just for five minutes.  They were to write about how they were feeling that day and anything that was on their mind, and he says that journal is one of the biggest treasures he has.  He wishes he would have done it every year.

I decided to incorporate this into my classroom.  Oh how I would LOVE to see into my own fourth grade mind!  Some of the boys think it is corny, but they are the ones who write the most! Writing is a huge struggle for my students, and thus the least favorite part of the day for all of us.  I am hoping that these five minutes of freedom will give writing a better rep in their minds.  Three-fourths of my class absolutely LOVE journal time now (Yanni plays over the speakers, who wouldn't love it?).  And you should have seen the excitement on their faces when I told them they could write in Spanish once a week.

I take these five minutes to write in my own journal.  It is a different book than my real journal, but it is where I write my thoughts on teaching - my worries, fears, and celebrations during my first year.  I am hoping it is as therapeutic for my students as it is for me.




"Get a good notebook, a good book that will last through time and into eternity for the angels to look upon. Begin today and write in it your goings and your comings, your deeper thoughts, your achievements, and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies." -Spencer W. Kimball

seriously, go away.

Not you. No, not you. I like you, dearest readers.

I'm talking about the evil little thoughts that creep into my mind when I all of a sudden realize I'm not invincible:

"You aren't good enough/pretty enough for him."

"You can't make a perfect score on the test, therefore you are incompetent."

"Seriously? You just cried in front of your coworkers and then slept through a party?"

"You made the wrong decision and now your entire life is going to take a different course and happiness will be very hard to come by and all your friends will get married tomorrow and you will be in Provo forever and probably gain ten pounds by Saturday."

Ok, so the last one was an exaggeration. But really, what can we do when these horrible doubts and fears try to plant themselves our heads? Nothing! It's an endless cycle of horrid torment! Just kidding.

We've actually been given a ton of guidance in this area. We (...I...) just need to remember to listen:

"You know enough."-Elder Neil L. Anderson

"Fear and faith cannot coexist."-Kevin W. Pearson

"You are creatures of divinity; you are daughters of the Almighty. Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future. Never forget that you came to earth as a child of the divine Father, with something of divinity in your very makeup.  The Lord did not send you here to fail." -Gordon B. Hinckley

"The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when to just take it one day at a time."-Elder D. Todd Christofferson

"Come what may and love it."-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. Behold, you have my gospel before you, and my rock, and my salvation." -D&C 18:10,17

All it takes is to remember our worth. But why is it still so hard? Because we are human. We cannot do it on our own; these degrading thoughts would tear us to pieces. Rely on the Lord to buoy you. He, and He alone, can give us the eternal perspective we need in trying times.

"Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." -D&C 6:36

Do you have a favorite talk or scripture you turn to when you are feeling down on yourself? 

i really, really need this right now

so maybe you do too.

"Things work out, it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out, don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in him, if we will pray to him, if we will live worthy of his blessings, he will hear our prayers." — Gordon B. Hinckley

Thanks to my Dad for reminding me of this quote.

"Patience means staying with something until the end. It means delaying immediate gratification for future blessings. The work of patience boils down to this: keep the commandments; trust in God, our Heavenly Father; serve Him with meekness and Christlike love; exercise faith and hope in the Savior; and never give up. The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

these words are better than mine.

Rejoice!!

As I sit alone crying and smiling and laughing in my room because of the knowledge I've been given, I want to shout it to the world. I want everyone I care about to know of the overwhelming happiness in my heart!

But first, I call home. I want to share with them first!

As I start leaving a message, my dad picks up sounding happy as usual to talk to me. And I express, in simple English, my joy. The words are hard to find. "The Gospel is so great! Why is it so great? How are we so lucky?"

I want to run into the courtyard of my apartment complex and jump and yell and sing about the glorious news of the Lord! But most the people here already know this news, and would probably laugh at my silly simple pleasures. But this is not silly, the Restoration is REAL!

Today was so wonderful. Relief Society, Gospel Principles, Sacrament. Every teacher, every speaker, spoke directly to my soul. How do they know what I need to hear? The Lord knows what I need, and He is gracious with His blessings.

My dad said, "You know these times when the confirmations are so strong and happen over and over again that the Lord is going to expect you to share the wealth. Spread the knowledge you are receiving, give to others what you have been given."

I have not done enough to deserve these blessings, but I know that I will rejoice and give thanks and share them! What a beautiful life we live! What a beautiful plan we have in store!

Goodness. Real, true, divine goodness.