the graduated working girl.

"Have you ever worked really hard for something you really wanted and then didn't get it? Me too."


That was the beginning of an entry I was hesitant to post last week. I was hesitant for a broad spectrum of reasons. It was going to be cryptic and I wasn't going to actually address the real situation, and it probably would've sounded like I was dying or grieving or something of the sort. Which was not my aim. But recent events allow me to be straight forward.

I didn't get a job I really wanted. I went through two grueling interviews (they drilled me hard) and an observation in which my students didn't perform their best, and I didn't perform my best because I was frustrated with them. I had nailed the interview process but bombed the observation. The job wasn't mine, and I knew it. I received a phone call two days later informing me that they couldn't "think of any reason not to hire you, but we had to select someone else. But before you get off the phone, there is a real chance another position might open soon and we'd really like you to apply; please please apply."

I wasn't heartbroken. I had already emotionally prepared to be turned down. But I was still disappointed because after my beautiful Franklin Elementary (which doesn't have enough students enrolled to let me stay), this was my next favorite option.

I continued to apply to schools I really had no desire to teach at, and even for some part-time positions. More interviews. More observations. More jobs I didn't want. I even turned a couple down that just didn't feel right.

Somehow I've lived an extremely blessed life. If I work hard, I almost always get what I'm working for. How snobby does that sound? I'm sort of a control freak and handing my life over can be really hard for me, but that week and a half made it easy to think, "Well, the Lord has my path ready for me and I won't worry about it. Because whatever comes comes for a reason." There was no way to have any control, so it was almost a relief to just let Him handle it. And He did.

He let me stress and worry until I learned to trust His plan and relax. He let me learn that you can't always get what you want, and you have to keep working hard anyway. And when I'd been refined, He blessed me.




It's a good thing I didn't publish that post last week. Monday night the principal of the job I really wanted and got turned down called me three times. I finally was able to answer, and he said, "A third grade position has opened up and I want you to have it."

You're reading the words of the brand new 3rd grade teacher for Westridge Elementary in Provo School District! And now I can breathe easier.