explanation.

i don't have one.

it's like this overwhelming need to cry and laugh at the same time.

it's the need to hug friends close and push them away.

i gave kenj the look. the look of "i'm tired and worried and overwhelmed but i don't know how to explain it." she understood; she always does. she wanted to help, but was honest. "i don't know how you feel, i can't," she said. she suggested talking to claire.

claire's loving reply broke the dam i built around my eyes.

There has got to be a better language. Why can't we define all these things that are so real? I couldn't find the words two summers ago when I most needed them. I can never express how important dear friendships are without becoming frustrated with a lack of vocabulary. And I can't explain myself now. Haven't other people had these same emotions? I know at least One has. But these things just haven't been labeled. Maybe in a foreign tongue, or maybe it takes this many words to describe it every time. Maybe in the language of angels.

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I wrote those words last night in my inbetween. The time between awake and asleep. This is my favorite time; I dream dreams from my subconscious, and I remember them. My thoughts are light but serious, and my heart is honest to my brain. Sometimes my blog may be too honest to my readers. You are an intimidating bunch.

Time to start filtering and being more practical.

Soon you will be filled with stories of Auckland! 23 days, dear.