the hardest things bring the greatest joy.

I know in real life I talk about teaching, a LOT (in fact it’s all I talk about,  poor roommates).  But other than the first day of school, I haven’t really filled in the blog world.

It is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I’m not being very successful at keeping my life balanced.  There are days when I just want to sleep in and dream away about my students chaotically running in circles around the classroom because I didn’t show up.  There are days when I come home and cry because I can’t get it all done.  There are days when I feel failure because student #14 just cannot figure out simple division.  And there are nights where I toss and turn, worrying about whether or not my students got dinner that night, if they are in bed before I am, and if they will come the next morning safe and healthy.

I work at the most at-risk school in the district.  Even though it is in Provo, Utah, many consider it an inner-city school because of the socioeconomic status of most the students.  Most of my students’ parents don’t speak my language and both work full-time jobs (or 2 or 3).  Most of my students have an ESL status, and don’t understand academic English.  Most of my fourth graders are on a second grade reading level.  Many of them still can’t add.

Amidst all these setbacks, I am absolutely in LOVE with teaching. I have twenty-one beautiful students and I know them better than I thought I would.  They have such a desire to listen and to learn.  They each live a much harder life than I did as a nine-year-old, but they are so strong.  Going to work is a struggle, but as soon as the bell rings and I know they will be running in to show me their new Silly Bandz or tell me they forgot their homework, I get so excited.  I love to teach, and I love to see their faces light up when they understand a new concept.  I love their jokes and their notes to “Miss Stutz the bestest ticher ever” and their laughter when “the bestest ticher ever” does something really crazy (that I would never do in front of adults).  They truly have infinite love.

I don’t plan on teaching for 30 years, but I know that for right now this is what I am supposed to be doing and this is where I’m meant to be.  I’m growing in ways I didn’t know I could.

Halloween Dance Party!!